Day 30: A Little Anxiety

My doctor's appointment yesterday went okay for the most part. My blood counts were at the levels expected, save for my hemoglobins, which were down to 8.4. (Below 8.0 they go for a blood transfusion.) Dr. Park conferred with my doctor in Chicago while we were there about it, and they both concluded I would need another transfusion, but it didn't have to take place until Monday, probably. I'm almost wishing I would've went ahead and done the transfusion yesterday, because of the way I'm feeling. I have no energy at all right now. Even talking just doesn't feel right. But I've been eating healthier trying to combat it. Last night I took a Benedryl with my Ambien and that really seemed to help me get some sleep. I still woke up every few hours, but I was able to drift back to sleep before getting up about 6:30 this morning.

I've been getting this knot in my stomach off and on too. It's like if I start to worry too much about how I'm feeling at the moment, I get scared at the thought of re-hospitalization. Especially with my hemoglobins down that low. So, I think the knot is just anxiety trying to build and I've got to keep it under control, before it consumes me. It's like an intense wave of pressure in your mind, begging you to call the emergency line for your doctor to see what he says, and worrying what that might be. But I have to remember, if they thought my situation was at any time compromised, where I would need to be admitted, they would've already done that, and not sent me home. It's a hard feeling to shake, nonetheless.

As promised...I posted a picture with my new glasses.

Only one more day to go with Predisone!

Sleep Deprived for Days

Ever since I've started the fierce drug regimen they have me on, my sleep has been dramatically affected. The Predisone (the steroid), is one of the drugs I have to keep taking until Sunday, and then I can stop. It supposed to combat the effects of chemotherapy by increasing your appetite and energy levels. Well, that part of the drug works just fine! Too fine actually. Initially, the doctors told me to take the Predisone with breakfast and then at dinner. The problem however with taking it so late in the day again, is that it's like being on speed or something. So you can't fall asleep, much less stay asleep. After a few days of that, I went to the doctors asking what I could do. They gave me two things to try: 1) Take Ambien CR; 2) Move the 2nd dose of Predisone to lunchtime or earlier in the day.

Okie-dokey.

Seemed easy enough. By the time the 2nd dose of Predisone is wearing off, I'll be getting ready for bed, and with a sleep-aid pill, I'll be counting sheep before I know it.

Did it work? Nope! Otherwise, I wouldn't be typing in my blog at 3:16 in the frakking morning. Adjusting the Predisone dose has helped, and taking Ambien CR has helped, but I'm no where close to what a person would call getting a good night sleep. (Yes, they have me on Ambien's maximum dose at 12.5mg per day.)

Lately I get tired around 10pm or a little after, take my Ambien, but it only keeps me asleep till roughly 3am...sometimes not even that long. Earlier, I went rummaging through our drug stash here at home looking for some Benedryl, but found nothing.

I have a doctor's appointment with Dr. Park coming up at 9am, and I'm going to bring this issue up again. What's even weirder, is that during this time of night is when I feel the most 'normal'. All my drugs have done their duty throughout the day and their effects have dimmed, or slowed, waiting for the next dose. And I sit here with sleep beyond my grasp.

Grr.

/Rant off.

Day 28: New Glasses and Burger King is Still Good

By 7am this morning, I was already shin deep in snow, trying to dig out my truck. It was tiring, but invigorating at the same time. I could shovel snow. My wife thought I was nuts, but hey, I got her to work safely, just the same.

My glasses came in today too, so I went and picked those up. Along the way, I decided to stop for a treat. I used to love the taste of the Burger King chicken sandwich. And low and behold, I still do! And, I even ate their fries. I was so thankful that I could eat it. I'll have to add that one to my small, but growing list of foods I can still eat. Picking up my glasses and being able to eat that sandwich made my day. I also got to see Donna and Chuck today, so that was very cool as well.

My puppy Maya had a vet appointment this evening to get more of her vaccines. So after picking up Katie from work, I took her over there. She's 27.2 pounds now! Maya has tripled in weight since December. She's growing so fast. She's an everyone's dog. Any time she meets someone new, it's like she's known them her whole life and she embraces all the attention with swift welcome.

Day 27: Normalcy Gradually

Today was a good day in that, today was the first day I spent all alone for the first time, and I actually drove my truck for the first time in nearly 2 months. I felt almost human! The doctors on Monday finally gave me clearance to drive on the days I'm not receiving chemotherapy. So that was a nice bonus to all that's been going on. Ask anyone who knows me...I'm typically a pretty self-sufficient dude. So having to depend on people is not really in my nature. I actually loathe it. (It's one of the reasons I have a truck...so I don't have to borrow one!) I don't mind lending her out though, don't get me wrong. But having to depend on people is something I've had to get used to. My wife has been helpful with everything, and I can't thank her enough for it. But getting a small sense of normalcy gradually spun back into my life, like driving, has lifted my spirits considerably.

I'll be honest here too, I'm still struggling with smoking cigarettes. I know...I know...you don't have to tell me. Katie tells me 'you've already got one cancer...you don't need another one!' And she couldn't be more right, and I'm not debating it. But it's one of the few things I can do that gives me a sense of my well-being back. I haven't given up on quitting though...I'm promise. And I've only had a few cigarettes each day...it's not like I'm a winter chimney or anything.

Hopefully tomorrow or Friday my new glasses will be in and I can pick those up. I ordered a new pair of glasses because the ones I currently wear are cumbersome and uncomfortable. I'm so used to wearing contacts, that I hardly wore my glasses at all. While I'm undergoing treatment with chemotherapy, I'm not allowed to wear my contacts, for fear of damage to my eyes or infection. So, hopefully my new ones will be in soon, and I'll be much more comfortable!

More later.

Day 26: After Chemo Monday

The optimism from yesterday's news still lingers on today of course. People have commented here and on my Facebook site sharing their positive reactions to the news. And I thank everyone for that.

I would also like to extend thanks to Angie Wotring for starting up the other blog and for her efforts. Thank you very much Angie!

In the meantime, it's keeping myself busy that weighs on my mind throughout the days. I'm not bored at all, but more like futsy. I do have a few plastic models I'm buliding, and movies galore to watch. Anyone have any good Blu-ray suggestions? I've seen The Dark Knight, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, both Narnia's, Wall-E, 300 and the list goes on. I'm still looking for more.

Today I felt really weak in the legs for some reason. My upper body seemed to retain it's strength, but my legs felt like they were just along for the ride. It feels like there is 10 additional pounds on both of them and it can be hard to walk them around. It's difficult to describe really, but it's true. They just feel so heavy. The neuropathy (shaking-numbness) is still there too, mostly in my feet today, and not so much in my hands. I'm hoping my legs return to normal tomorrow after a good night's rest.

More later.

Day 25: On the Right Track

Today's treatment went as expected - Jon is exhausted and not feeling very good, but doing ok.  The best part of the day was when we finally heard the results from last week's bone marrow biopsy.  And the results are...

No leukemia cells to be found!  YAY!

That's part one of getting into remission.  So what we're hoping for from next week's bone marrow biopsy is that there are still no leukemia cells to be found AND that healthy cells are growing back in place of the leukemia.  Right now, his bone marrow is essentially really empty - lots of the good and bad cells are dead, so we want to see healthy cells growing back in place.

We couldn't have asked for better news!  That tells us that he's on the right track, that things are going as expected, and it's one of the first signs to indicate that Jonathon will hopefully NOT need a bone marrow transplant.


So tonight is definitely reason for another Snoopy dance. :)

Day 24: Numbness and Foods

Peripheral Neuropathy. This is a term I'd never heard of until I started chemotherapy. It's basically a tingling-numbing sensation in my extremities. My hands feel like they're falling asleep, and at times it feels like my legs and feet are numb. Not a good feeling. It makes it difficult to tell if my feet are cold sometimes. There are times when my hands start shaking pretty bad...but so far I'm dealing with it. This was something they warned me about beforehand, so at least the feeling is expected, and not a shock.

Tomorrow (Monday), we're off to Chicago for another round of chemotherapy in the afternoon, followed by a complete physical. Ought to be a hoot.

I'm still being very cautious about foods. Over the weekend, Katie made a cheeseburger/macaroni casserole, and it tasted good. For those that don't know, I've had to completely re-learn what I like, or don't like in foods. Everything tastes different because of the treatment I'm going through. I used to be able to eat just about anything, but now, unfortunately, just about anything can make me nauseous. I have found that anything that has tomatoes in it is bad news. And that really sucks coming from a dude who loves spaghetti, and who used to be able to eat a tomato like an apple. Chicken and some veggies seem to go down good, while some other meats don't. Even steak doesn't taste good! It's terrible. My mother has been extremely generous with her cooking and is always bringing me new food weekly to try. Hopefully in the next few weeks, they can cut back some on the treatment, and my normal taste will return. One can only hope.