Thursday, January 10, 2013

PUVA and GVHD

From the always-growing world of acronyms, I bring you another.  PUVA.  

Here's the long definition:  PUVA is an acronym for psoralen and ultraviolet A. PUVA refers to the interaction of long wavelength ultraviolet light (320-400 nm) with a pharmaceutical molecule of plant origin, psoralen, producing a type of "photochemotherapy." PUVA is useful in treating a number of human diseases.

While I'm not under-going treatment for Leukemia anymore, my doctors have decided they want me try this in hopes of it relieving some of the skin tightness and discoloration I have from GVHD.  (Graft-Versus Host Disease.)  

So what does this mean?  I'll sum it up for you.

Basically, 3 times a week, I show up to the dermatologist's office and step inside this vertical-tanning-bed-like machine for a minute or so.  It actually takes longer to drive there than it does to have the actual treatment.  After 3 months of this, there's hope that the light frequencies they use will help to clear my discoloration and tightness on my skin.  I still have some issues with flexibility because my skin is so tight.  So, in other words, squatting or bending over is still somewhat painful.  You won't see me signing up for intense yoga classes any time soon.  

You're probably thinking, 'what else does a dermatologist use that for??'  I wondered the same thing because I can't imagine a teenage girl showing up there and saying, 'I wanna tan.'  They also use this machine to treat Lymphoma and Psoriasis.

I've done 2 sessions so far and haven't really experienced any side effects yet, other than drier skin.  They did tell me it will most likely give me a slow tan and possibly a light sunburn until my skin gets a little more used to it.  We'll see what happens.  I figure I am at least getting a head start on my summer tan before Spring is even here.    

I hope you like the new look on the blog.  I also added a link to my personal photography website on the right.  So, if you're interested in seeing some interesting photos you can check that out.  Bring on 2013 and all the good that it has to offer.  

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Dragon's Heart

Anyone ever see the movie Dragonheart?  The one with Dennis Quaid?  Pretty solid movie, really.  I'll get to why I'm asking in a moment  The movie is about a young king who was stabbed in the heart as a young man.  In order to save his life, a noble dragon played by Sean Connery, gives the young king half of his heart so that he would live.  Over the years, the young king grew into a vicious tyrant.  Blaming the dragon for the king's turn to evil, Quaid's character, Bowen, vows to rid the world of dragons by slaying every one he encounters.  I'll get back to why I mentioned this later.  I promise.  

In early September, I started having more breathing issues.  Around 2-3am, I would wake up from a sound sleep, unable to catch my breath.  As long as I sat up, I could catch my breath and all would be fine again.  This went on and off for a week or so when I decided to involve my doctors.  After a few days of testing, an echo-cardiogram revealed heart failure.  Don't worry...I'm just fine...wouldn't be making you read a blog post if I wasn't...but it was a heavy concern for us.  For someone who's only 36, how does this happen?  And the answer is...we don't know.  And may never know.  Our primary suspects are radiation and chemotherapy.  We've read that just those 2 things combined can a have a delayed effect on certain people.  Specifically, their hearts.  Unfortunately, there's just not enough history or data to back this up.  But that's my doctor's theory.  

So, what did we do?  And that answer was easy, at least coming from my doctors: we'll just add more drugs to the regimen.  Awesome.  They put me on a few low blood pressure drugs, a diuretic, and aspirin.  They also put me on a low sodium diet, limited to 1500mg of sodium per day.  Talk about rough for a guy who's always eating because of my steroids anyway.  It hasn't been easy, but my breathing at night has been much better and I'm returning to normal.  Whatever that is.  I'm constantly redefining what's normal anymore.  

I'm grateful to have survived an awful disease.  I'm grateful for the care that has been given to me.  But there are days when I feel very much like Bowen.  In that, certain things have happened, that I can't change, and I need to place that anger and blame somewhere;  That the world and my doctors are fumbling for solutions because my situation is unique compared to some;  That I feel like a guinea pig for them to poke and experiment on.  And I can't seem to catch a break sometimes with these drug additions.  Good gawd.  I'm taking over 20 pills a day now.  How can anyone know how all these medications interact with one another?  And in the long-term?  We don't.  We just have to keep our faith in that my doctors...all 17 of them...are all on the same page.  Shouldn't be too hard, right?  Nah.  Next, I'll start doing differential equations just to change things up a bit.  Till that happens, I'm officially counting my big-ass pill box as added square footage onto my house's value.  Seriously.  The thing should have its own zip code and fire department.  Later taters.    

Friday, May 18, 2012

3 Year Anniversary of BMT

This weekend marks my 3rd anniversary of my bone marrow transplant in 2009.  It doesn't feel like it's been that long, but it has.  It's been a wild ride over the last few years, but overall, I'm doing quite well.  Thanks to the transplant, I'm still in remission and getting a little stronger every day.  In the last few weeks, I've probably felt better than I have since the start of treatment 3 years ago.  


In April, I started a program called Pulmonary Rehabilitation.  It's basically a fancy term for a workout session, while they monitor my saturation (oxygen levels) and my blood pressure.  It's an hour long each time, 3 days a week.  It's mostly treadmill work with the use of rowing machines, bikes and weight lifting.  I hate exercise and I always have.  But I can honestly say that I do feel better because of it.  My breathing has improved a little, but what's more become more affected is my energy levels.  I feel that when the days go on, I have more continued strength to do the things I want to do or need to do.  


I haven't really mentioned this publicly yet, but I will now.  A few months back, we finally made contact with my donor.  Yes, THE donor.  I will not mention her identity here, but we've shared stories over email and pictures.  We are anxious to meet her someday in person.  She seems like a delightful person and we're looking forward to learning more about one another.  It's amazing how long it actually takes to establish a link between parties, but the hospitals have those privacy policies in place to protect both sides.  And with good reason.  


So...this weekend, sit back.  Relax.  Have a drink.  Or two.  Or five.  Enjoy the weather.  Stop and smell the roses.  Why?  Because you CAN.  We're going to. Because put simply, 3 years ago tomorrow, my donor gave me the ability to continue on with my life to enjoy these times.  And by golly, that's what I'm going to do.  

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Better than Death Approach

This post is going to sound like a huge rant and it kind of is, but I'm going to add my saving disclaimer to it, the better than death approach, and then all will be right in the world.  Trees will explode with leaves again, it'll stop snowing, and I'll pretend I'm on a lake somewhere on a Summer day with a fishing pole in my hand.  Or, a camera.  Either one.


So far, in the last year, my feet still burn and hurt from day to day.  It has gotten slightly better, but not much.  My eyes are completely tweaked.  At 36, I've now had cataract surgery on both eyes.  At a distance, I can see okay.  Up close, not so much.  So I've become one of those people who constantly says, 'Wait, let me grab my glasses.'  I also developed Osteoporosis.  My hair is drastically thinning.  And now, I'm at HIGH risk for developing Diabetes.  I start a new drug to combat that tonight.  More drugs.  Ugh.  Here it comes.  Wait for it.  It's better than death.  


Who do I have to thank for all this?  Steroids, and all the other drugs.  Which, I thought I'd go into while I'm here, to give you all some idea of the craziness involved with these medications.  Below is an actual photo I took of all the drugs I'm now on.  Once a day...every day.  It's a shame these aren't colored more like Skittles.


  


The list is as follows:
-Prednisone.  Evil.  Helpful, yet sinister.
-Acyclovir.  Anti-viral.
-Bactrim.  Antibiotic.  
-Prograf.  Immune suppressant.  
-Sacrolimus.  Immune suppressant.
-Fosamax.  Osteoporosis.  
-Fenofibrate.  Cholesterol/Triglycerides.  
-Crestor.  Cholesterol.
-Amlodipine.  Blood pressure.
-Diflucan.  Anti-fungal.
-Penicillin.  Antibiotic.
-Metformin.  Diabetes treatment.  
-Ambien.  Can't sleep without it because of the steroids.  


Believe it or not, this list used to be longer!  Since starting the Prograf again, I'm incredibly thirsty too.  My drink is never far from my reach and I will mow you down if you come between me and it.  Things could get ugly.  But hey, it's better than death.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Fitness and Cancer



By David Haas (Introductory Guest Blog Appearance)


It stands to reason that someone who has been recently diagnosed any kind of cancer including common cancers such as breast cancer and skin cancer and even rare cancers like mesothelioma wouldn't want to spend a lot of time exercising. The shock of having been diagnosed with an often fatal disease combined with the sickness, pain and fatigue associated with said disease can all but destroy any motivation that one would have for remaining or becoming physically fit. Physical fitness is important for everybody, even those who are suffering from cancer. Recent studies have found that while a regular exercise regimen is by no means a miracle mesothelioma treatment or a cure for any other kind of cancer, it has helped aid the recovery and improved the prognosis of many cancer patients.

Two of the most common and debilitating side effects of most traditional cancer treatments are fatigue and loss of muscle strength. Cancer treatments such as chemotherapy tend to make patients feel very fatigued, so naturally they do not want to spend a lot of time doing much of anything, let alone engage in any kind of exercise. The muscle weakness commonly experienced by cancer patients naturally results from this fatigue. As they are deprived of exercise, these patients also miss out on some of the benefits that come from being physically fit including improved sleep patterns, increased energy, decreased depression and a generally improved sense of wellbeing. In other words, exercise can help a cancer patient or cancer survivor get his or her life back.

One form of exercise that many experts suggest for cancer patients is lightweight training. It's already been established that many cancer treatments cause a weakness in the muscles, so a weight-training program has proven to be very beneficial for many patients undergoing chemotherapy or similar treatments. It is not recommended that anyone who is experiencing fatigue or muscle weakness attempt any rigorous weight training exercises, but there are plenty of light exercises that can be done that will still help to build lean muscle mass and improve the overall fitness of cancer survivors.

The American Cancer Society has become so convinced by the benefits of exercise for cancer patients that they have implemented moderate exercise programs for patients who have been newly diagnosed with cancer. These exercise programs can technically be considered palliative therapy, which means that while they will not cure or treat the cancer directly they will at least improve the symptoms of the disease or treatment.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Sucknazone

That's what I'm calling Prednisone for now.  I keep forgetting that steroids are the gift that keeps giving.  It's maddening how this one drug plays a crucial role in the healing process, as well as the inhibiting process.  While it's staving off my GVHD, it's destroying a variety of other things.  I was informed about a week ago that I'll be needing cataract surgery on my left eye, with my right eye soon to follow.  My vision has been incredibly hazy lately and even blurry on some days.  The details with that are still being worked out. 


My blood pressure has been really high lately too, which my doctors have also attributed to the steroid dose.  Based on what those readings were in the last week, I suspect I'll be on blood pressure medication soon.


My oncologist at the University of Chicago has decided to add another immune suppressant drug to the already extensive regimen.  I'm going back on Prograf in the next week, in addition to Sacrolimus.  Prograf we suspected, was largely responsible for my neuropathy problems in 2009 and part of 2010.  But we're hoping that won't be the case this time around.  If it prevents me from drawing or playing guitar again, that might be bad.  So, by this time next week, I'll be on 3 different immune suppressants:  Prednisone, Prograf and Sacrolimus.  Now, where did I put that hand sanitizer?  


As of right now, there's not really an end in sight to stopping the steroids.  But I'll keep hoping.  I am getting tired of hearing the response 'It's from the steroids.'  Ugh.  These drugs are just reeking havoc on my system.  First, my eyesight went, and keeps changing.  Then I developed Osteoporosis.  My cholesterol is whacked and now I've got high blood pressure.  Awesome.  I'm actually in better spirits than I'm appearing...really.  They should just list the side effects that come with steroids as 'Please see your nearest Encyclopedia...then pitch a tent.'  Or, see the Jedi Archives and then go into cryo-sleep.  Seriously.  Why is the grass green?  Steroids.  Where did that lightning come from?  Steroids.  I'm telling you...this is what killed the dinosaurs.    


Stay out of the Sucknazone.  Trust me.           

Friday, July 8, 2011

Stoney Vaccinations

You just never know sometimes what your doctors have in store for you when you go to their office for an appointment.  The nurse comes out of the armory, calls your name, battle ax in hand...sound familiar?  No, not really.  I always get a kick out of my conversations with these people.  


Nurse:  "Jonathon?"
Me:  "Yep."


I stand up and follow her back to the armory.  Her ax still has blood on it, I swear.  She was fighting dragons today.  With Matthew McConaughey.  London is gone right now.  I can see the flames from my chopper.   

Me:  "How are you today?"
Nurse:  "Oh, better than you!"  (Not a good sign when they say that, I've discovered.  Never.)


Me:  "Uh-oh...why's that?"
Nurse:  "Cause you're about to get 5 shots."  


Oh goody.  Bring on the pokage.  5 shots.  Measles, Mumps, Polio, something, and something.  My mind trailed off after Polio.  I was focused on the fact that my arms would soon like a buckshot target.  


By the time I get home from there, I'm actually a little stoned.  I think the drugs were taking effect, but thankfully not whilst I was driving.  I do remember texting my wife something about 'being a pepper too.'  Who knows.  I can't be held responsible for what may or may not have occurred while I was under the influence of too many vaccinations.  My phone will remember.  Someday, I just might have to put something together that encompasses everything I've said unaware while undergoing treatment with these drugs.    
Drugs are devilry I tell you.  Just devilry.  But they make for great entertainment.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

PUVA and GVHD

From the always-growing world of acronyms, I bring you another.  PUVA.  

Here's the long definition:  PUVA is an acronym for psoralen and ultraviolet A. PUVA refers to the interaction of long wavelength ultraviolet light (320-400 nm) with a pharmaceutical molecule of plant origin, psoralen, producing a type of "photochemotherapy." PUVA is useful in treating a number of human diseases.

While I'm not under-going treatment for Leukemia anymore, my doctors have decided they want me try this in hopes of it relieving some of the skin tightness and discoloration I have from GVHD.  (Graft-Versus Host Disease.)  

So what does this mean?  I'll sum it up for you.

Basically, 3 times a week, I show up to the dermatologist's office and step inside this vertical-tanning-bed-like machine for a minute or so.  It actually takes longer to drive there than it does to have the actual treatment.  After 3 months of this, there's hope that the light frequencies they use will help to clear my discoloration and tightness on my skin.  I still have some issues with flexibility because my skin is so tight.  So, in other words, squatting or bending over is still somewhat painful.  You won't see me signing up for intense yoga classes any time soon.  

You're probably thinking, 'what else does a dermatologist use that for??'  I wondered the same thing because I can't imagine a teenage girl showing up there and saying, 'I wanna tan.'  They also use this machine to treat Lymphoma and Psoriasis.

I've done 2 sessions so far and haven't really experienced any side effects yet, other than drier skin.  They did tell me it will most likely give me a slow tan and possibly a light sunburn until my skin gets a little more used to it.  We'll see what happens.  I figure I am at least getting a head start on my summer tan before Spring is even here.    

I hope you like the new look on the blog.  I also added a link to my personal photography website on the right.  So, if you're interested in seeing some interesting photos you can check that out.  Bring on 2013 and all the good that it has to offer.  

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Dragon's Heart

Anyone ever see the movie Dragonheart?  The one with Dennis Quaid?  Pretty solid movie, really.  I'll get to why I'm asking in a moment  The movie is about a young king who was stabbed in the heart as a young man.  In order to save his life, a noble dragon played by Sean Connery, gives the young king half of his heart so that he would live.  Over the years, the young king grew into a vicious tyrant.  Blaming the dragon for the king's turn to evil, Quaid's character, Bowen, vows to rid the world of dragons by slaying every one he encounters.  I'll get back to why I mentioned this later.  I promise.  

In early September, I started having more breathing issues.  Around 2-3am, I would wake up from a sound sleep, unable to catch my breath.  As long as I sat up, I could catch my breath and all would be fine again.  This went on and off for a week or so when I decided to involve my doctors.  After a few days of testing, an echo-cardiogram revealed heart failure.  Don't worry...I'm just fine...wouldn't be making you read a blog post if I wasn't...but it was a heavy concern for us.  For someone who's only 36, how does this happen?  And the answer is...we don't know.  And may never know.  Our primary suspects are radiation and chemotherapy.  We've read that just those 2 things combined can a have a delayed effect on certain people.  Specifically, their hearts.  Unfortunately, there's just not enough history or data to back this up.  But that's my doctor's theory.  

So, what did we do?  And that answer was easy, at least coming from my doctors: we'll just add more drugs to the regimen.  Awesome.  They put me on a few low blood pressure drugs, a diuretic, and aspirin.  They also put me on a low sodium diet, limited to 1500mg of sodium per day.  Talk about rough for a guy who's always eating because of my steroids anyway.  It hasn't been easy, but my breathing at night has been much better and I'm returning to normal.  Whatever that is.  I'm constantly redefining what's normal anymore.  

I'm grateful to have survived an awful disease.  I'm grateful for the care that has been given to me.  But there are days when I feel very much like Bowen.  In that, certain things have happened, that I can't change, and I need to place that anger and blame somewhere;  That the world and my doctors are fumbling for solutions because my situation is unique compared to some;  That I feel like a guinea pig for them to poke and experiment on.  And I can't seem to catch a break sometimes with these drug additions.  Good gawd.  I'm taking over 20 pills a day now.  How can anyone know how all these medications interact with one another?  And in the long-term?  We don't.  We just have to keep our faith in that my doctors...all 17 of them...are all on the same page.  Shouldn't be too hard, right?  Nah.  Next, I'll start doing differential equations just to change things up a bit.  Till that happens, I'm officially counting my big-ass pill box as added square footage onto my house's value.  Seriously.  The thing should have its own zip code and fire department.  Later taters.    

Friday, May 18, 2012

3 Year Anniversary of BMT

This weekend marks my 3rd anniversary of my bone marrow transplant in 2009.  It doesn't feel like it's been that long, but it has.  It's been a wild ride over the last few years, but overall, I'm doing quite well.  Thanks to the transplant, I'm still in remission and getting a little stronger every day.  In the last few weeks, I've probably felt better than I have since the start of treatment 3 years ago.  


In April, I started a program called Pulmonary Rehabilitation.  It's basically a fancy term for a workout session, while they monitor my saturation (oxygen levels) and my blood pressure.  It's an hour long each time, 3 days a week.  It's mostly treadmill work with the use of rowing machines, bikes and weight lifting.  I hate exercise and I always have.  But I can honestly say that I do feel better because of it.  My breathing has improved a little, but what's more become more affected is my energy levels.  I feel that when the days go on, I have more continued strength to do the things I want to do or need to do.  


I haven't really mentioned this publicly yet, but I will now.  A few months back, we finally made contact with my donor.  Yes, THE donor.  I will not mention her identity here, but we've shared stories over email and pictures.  We are anxious to meet her someday in person.  She seems like a delightful person and we're looking forward to learning more about one another.  It's amazing how long it actually takes to establish a link between parties, but the hospitals have those privacy policies in place to protect both sides.  And with good reason.  


So...this weekend, sit back.  Relax.  Have a drink.  Or two.  Or five.  Enjoy the weather.  Stop and smell the roses.  Why?  Because you CAN.  We're going to. Because put simply, 3 years ago tomorrow, my donor gave me the ability to continue on with my life to enjoy these times.  And by golly, that's what I'm going to do.  

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Better than Death Approach

This post is going to sound like a huge rant and it kind of is, but I'm going to add my saving disclaimer to it, the better than death approach, and then all will be right in the world.  Trees will explode with leaves again, it'll stop snowing, and I'll pretend I'm on a lake somewhere on a Summer day with a fishing pole in my hand.  Or, a camera.  Either one.


So far, in the last year, my feet still burn and hurt from day to day.  It has gotten slightly better, but not much.  My eyes are completely tweaked.  At 36, I've now had cataract surgery on both eyes.  At a distance, I can see okay.  Up close, not so much.  So I've become one of those people who constantly says, 'Wait, let me grab my glasses.'  I also developed Osteoporosis.  My hair is drastically thinning.  And now, I'm at HIGH risk for developing Diabetes.  I start a new drug to combat that tonight.  More drugs.  Ugh.  Here it comes.  Wait for it.  It's better than death.  


Who do I have to thank for all this?  Steroids, and all the other drugs.  Which, I thought I'd go into while I'm here, to give you all some idea of the craziness involved with these medications.  Below is an actual photo I took of all the drugs I'm now on.  Once a day...every day.  It's a shame these aren't colored more like Skittles.


  


The list is as follows:
-Prednisone.  Evil.  Helpful, yet sinister.
-Acyclovir.  Anti-viral.
-Bactrim.  Antibiotic.  
-Prograf.  Immune suppressant.  
-Sacrolimus.  Immune suppressant.
-Fosamax.  Osteoporosis.  
-Fenofibrate.  Cholesterol/Triglycerides.  
-Crestor.  Cholesterol.
-Amlodipine.  Blood pressure.
-Diflucan.  Anti-fungal.
-Penicillin.  Antibiotic.
-Metformin.  Diabetes treatment.  
-Ambien.  Can't sleep without it because of the steroids.  


Believe it or not, this list used to be longer!  Since starting the Prograf again, I'm incredibly thirsty too.  My drink is never far from my reach and I will mow you down if you come between me and it.  Things could get ugly.  But hey, it's better than death.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Fitness and Cancer



By David Haas (Introductory Guest Blog Appearance)


It stands to reason that someone who has been recently diagnosed any kind of cancer including common cancers such as breast cancer and skin cancer and even rare cancers like mesothelioma wouldn't want to spend a lot of time exercising. The shock of having been diagnosed with an often fatal disease combined with the sickness, pain and fatigue associated with said disease can all but destroy any motivation that one would have for remaining or becoming physically fit. Physical fitness is important for everybody, even those who are suffering from cancer. Recent studies have found that while a regular exercise regimen is by no means a miracle mesothelioma treatment or a cure for any other kind of cancer, it has helped aid the recovery and improved the prognosis of many cancer patients.

Two of the most common and debilitating side effects of most traditional cancer treatments are fatigue and loss of muscle strength. Cancer treatments such as chemotherapy tend to make patients feel very fatigued, so naturally they do not want to spend a lot of time doing much of anything, let alone engage in any kind of exercise. The muscle weakness commonly experienced by cancer patients naturally results from this fatigue. As they are deprived of exercise, these patients also miss out on some of the benefits that come from being physically fit including improved sleep patterns, increased energy, decreased depression and a generally improved sense of wellbeing. In other words, exercise can help a cancer patient or cancer survivor get his or her life back.

One form of exercise that many experts suggest for cancer patients is lightweight training. It's already been established that many cancer treatments cause a weakness in the muscles, so a weight-training program has proven to be very beneficial for many patients undergoing chemotherapy or similar treatments. It is not recommended that anyone who is experiencing fatigue or muscle weakness attempt any rigorous weight training exercises, but there are plenty of light exercises that can be done that will still help to build lean muscle mass and improve the overall fitness of cancer survivors.

The American Cancer Society has become so convinced by the benefits of exercise for cancer patients that they have implemented moderate exercise programs for patients who have been newly diagnosed with cancer. These exercise programs can technically be considered palliative therapy, which means that while they will not cure or treat the cancer directly they will at least improve the symptoms of the disease or treatment.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Sucknazone

That's what I'm calling Prednisone for now.  I keep forgetting that steroids are the gift that keeps giving.  It's maddening how this one drug plays a crucial role in the healing process, as well as the inhibiting process.  While it's staving off my GVHD, it's destroying a variety of other things.  I was informed about a week ago that I'll be needing cataract surgery on my left eye, with my right eye soon to follow.  My vision has been incredibly hazy lately and even blurry on some days.  The details with that are still being worked out. 


My blood pressure has been really high lately too, which my doctors have also attributed to the steroid dose.  Based on what those readings were in the last week, I suspect I'll be on blood pressure medication soon.


My oncologist at the University of Chicago has decided to add another immune suppressant drug to the already extensive regimen.  I'm going back on Prograf in the next week, in addition to Sacrolimus.  Prograf we suspected, was largely responsible for my neuropathy problems in 2009 and part of 2010.  But we're hoping that won't be the case this time around.  If it prevents me from drawing or playing guitar again, that might be bad.  So, by this time next week, I'll be on 3 different immune suppressants:  Prednisone, Prograf and Sacrolimus.  Now, where did I put that hand sanitizer?  


As of right now, there's not really an end in sight to stopping the steroids.  But I'll keep hoping.  I am getting tired of hearing the response 'It's from the steroids.'  Ugh.  These drugs are just reeking havoc on my system.  First, my eyesight went, and keeps changing.  Then I developed Osteoporosis.  My cholesterol is whacked and now I've got high blood pressure.  Awesome.  I'm actually in better spirits than I'm appearing...really.  They should just list the side effects that come with steroids as 'Please see your nearest Encyclopedia...then pitch a tent.'  Or, see the Jedi Archives and then go into cryo-sleep.  Seriously.  Why is the grass green?  Steroids.  Where did that lightning come from?  Steroids.  I'm telling you...this is what killed the dinosaurs.    


Stay out of the Sucknazone.  Trust me.           

Friday, July 8, 2011

Stoney Vaccinations

You just never know sometimes what your doctors have in store for you when you go to their office for an appointment.  The nurse comes out of the armory, calls your name, battle ax in hand...sound familiar?  No, not really.  I always get a kick out of my conversations with these people.  


Nurse:  "Jonathon?"
Me:  "Yep."


I stand up and follow her back to the armory.  Her ax still has blood on it, I swear.  She was fighting dragons today.  With Matthew McConaughey.  London is gone right now.  I can see the flames from my chopper.   

Me:  "How are you today?"
Nurse:  "Oh, better than you!"  (Not a good sign when they say that, I've discovered.  Never.)


Me:  "Uh-oh...why's that?"
Nurse:  "Cause you're about to get 5 shots."  


Oh goody.  Bring on the pokage.  5 shots.  Measles, Mumps, Polio, something, and something.  My mind trailed off after Polio.  I was focused on the fact that my arms would soon like a buckshot target.  


By the time I get home from there, I'm actually a little stoned.  I think the drugs were taking effect, but thankfully not whilst I was driving.  I do remember texting my wife something about 'being a pepper too.'  Who knows.  I can't be held responsible for what may or may not have occurred while I was under the influence of too many vaccinations.  My phone will remember.  Someday, I just might have to put something together that encompasses everything I've said unaware while undergoing treatment with these drugs.    
Drugs are devilry I tell you.  Just devilry.  But they make for great entertainment.