Most police officers carry tasers, right? Well, I did hear somewhere that part of the training involved with them carrying tasers is that the officer carrying it must get tasered themselves so that they understand the full impact behind the weapon, before using it on someone else. What a freakin' concept. I'll get back to that in a second.
Today started with the completion of yet another blood transfusion. Only one unit this time though. Around 11:20, the herd of doctors came into my room ready to do the bone marrow biopsy. Let me explain this process in short...
...First off, you're laying on your stomach and they numb the skin area around one of your hips using Novocaine. Then, they insert about a 3/16" diameter needle through your skin, which has what appears to be a garden hose valve handle on the other end. Once they hit the bone with this bugger, they begin twirling the handle, hoping it drills into the bone, extracting a cylindrical piece of bone marrow. Usually, they do this process twice to get two pieces of marrow for separate tests. So, needless to say, this process isn't exactly a frakkin' cakewalk!
Now...this is, as they say, where the plot thickens...
Imagine having this process done on you, but with an In-Resident doctor with little, to no experience! When the process goes well, with a doctor that knows what they're doing, the process is just uncomfortable, NOT, OH MY GOD, SOMEONE JUST REMOVED MY PELVIS, LIT IT ON FIRE, PLAYED CATCH WITH IT, AND THEN PUT IT BACK IN MY BODY. The doctor unfortunately had to do this process 4 times.
Understand my point about the taser now? All doctors should have this performed ON THEM BEFORE PERFORMING IT ON SOMEONE ELSE.
A few hours later, I'm higher than a kite on pain meds, and being in my hospital bed feels like being in a warm fish bowl swimming around with people banging on the glass outside.
*bang*
*bang*
*bang*
'Are you in there?!!!'
'Go away...far away.'
Sometime later, I'm still slightly buzzing when the nurses tell me, 'your chemotherapy is coming right up!'
Oh goody.
Meanwhile, it looks like my pelvis was shot with a bee-bee gun.
(And for the record, I didn't know any of this until I was finished...because with me being on my stomach, I simply couldn't see.)
The chemotherapy was a breeze. Went in through my IV, no big deal. I have no nausea, or other side effects that I'm aware of, currently. I'm sure that will change, but my hip is easily suffering the 2nd most painful after-effects in my natural life. I won't mention the worst pain I've ever felt. Those that know me, know what that is. But, if you're just dying to know, do a Google search for 'testicular torsion.' Yeah...wowser.
Footnote:
Apparently, a few people were a little concerned that I was actually serious in my last post about needing monetary donations. Just so there's no confusion, we don't need money! If you want to send us something monetary to quell your desire to reach into your wallet, send us iTunes Gift Cards. Otherwise, cards are just fine...really.
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Monday, January 26, 2009
Day 4: The Fire Inside
Most police officers carry tasers, right? Well, I did hear somewhere that part of the training involved with them carrying tasers is that the officer carrying it must get tasered themselves so that they understand the full impact behind the weapon, before using it on someone else. What a freakin' concept. I'll get back to that in a second.
Today started with the completion of yet another blood transfusion. Only one unit this time though. Around 11:20, the herd of doctors came into my room ready to do the bone marrow biopsy. Let me explain this process in short...
...First off, you're laying on your stomach and they numb the skin area around one of your hips using Novocaine. Then, they insert about a 3/16" diameter needle through your skin, which has what appears to be a garden hose valve handle on the other end. Once they hit the bone with this bugger, they begin twirling the handle, hoping it drills into the bone, extracting a cylindrical piece of bone marrow. Usually, they do this process twice to get two pieces of marrow for separate tests. So, needless to say, this process isn't exactly a frakkin' cakewalk!
Now...this is, as they say, where the plot thickens...
Imagine having this process done on you, but with an In-Resident doctor with little, to no experience! When the process goes well, with a doctor that knows what they're doing, the process is just uncomfortable, NOT, OH MY GOD, SOMEONE JUST REMOVED MY PELVIS, LIT IT ON FIRE, PLAYED CATCH WITH IT, AND THEN PUT IT BACK IN MY BODY. The doctor unfortunately had to do this process 4 times.
Understand my point about the taser now? All doctors should have this performed ON THEM BEFORE PERFORMING IT ON SOMEONE ELSE.
A few hours later, I'm higher than a kite on pain meds, and being in my hospital bed feels like being in a warm fish bowl swimming around with people banging on the glass outside.
*bang*
*bang*
*bang*
'Are you in there?!!!'
'Go away...far away.'
Sometime later, I'm still slightly buzzing when the nurses tell me, 'your chemotherapy is coming right up!'
Oh goody.
Meanwhile, it looks like my pelvis was shot with a bee-bee gun.
(And for the record, I didn't know any of this until I was finished...because with me being on my stomach, I simply couldn't see.)
The chemotherapy was a breeze. Went in through my IV, no big deal. I have no nausea, or other side effects that I'm aware of, currently. I'm sure that will change, but my hip is easily suffering the 2nd most painful after-effects in my natural life. I won't mention the worst pain I've ever felt. Those that know me, know what that is. But, if you're just dying to know, do a Google search for 'testicular torsion.' Yeah...wowser.
Footnote:
Apparently, a few people were a little concerned that I was actually serious in my last post about needing monetary donations. Just so there's no confusion, we don't need money! If you want to send us something monetary to quell your desire to reach into your wallet, send us iTunes Gift Cards. Otherwise, cards are just fine...really.
Today started with the completion of yet another blood transfusion. Only one unit this time though. Around 11:20, the herd of doctors came into my room ready to do the bone marrow biopsy. Let me explain this process in short...
...First off, you're laying on your stomach and they numb the skin area around one of your hips using Novocaine. Then, they insert about a 3/16" diameter needle through your skin, which has what appears to be a garden hose valve handle on the other end. Once they hit the bone with this bugger, they begin twirling the handle, hoping it drills into the bone, extracting a cylindrical piece of bone marrow. Usually, they do this process twice to get two pieces of marrow for separate tests. So, needless to say, this process isn't exactly a frakkin' cakewalk!
Now...this is, as they say, where the plot thickens...
Imagine having this process done on you, but with an In-Resident doctor with little, to no experience! When the process goes well, with a doctor that knows what they're doing, the process is just uncomfortable, NOT, OH MY GOD, SOMEONE JUST REMOVED MY PELVIS, LIT IT ON FIRE, PLAYED CATCH WITH IT, AND THEN PUT IT BACK IN MY BODY. The doctor unfortunately had to do this process 4 times.
Understand my point about the taser now? All doctors should have this performed ON THEM BEFORE PERFORMING IT ON SOMEONE ELSE.
A few hours later, I'm higher than a kite on pain meds, and being in my hospital bed feels like being in a warm fish bowl swimming around with people banging on the glass outside.
*bang*
*bang*
*bang*
'Are you in there?!!!'
'Go away...far away.'
Sometime later, I'm still slightly buzzing when the nurses tell me, 'your chemotherapy is coming right up!'
Oh goody.
Meanwhile, it looks like my pelvis was shot with a bee-bee gun.
(And for the record, I didn't know any of this until I was finished...because with me being on my stomach, I simply couldn't see.)
The chemotherapy was a breeze. Went in through my IV, no big deal. I have no nausea, or other side effects that I'm aware of, currently. I'm sure that will change, but my hip is easily suffering the 2nd most painful after-effects in my natural life. I won't mention the worst pain I've ever felt. Those that know me, know what that is. But, if you're just dying to know, do a Google search for 'testicular torsion.' Yeah...wowser.
Footnote:
Apparently, a few people were a little concerned that I was actually serious in my last post about needing monetary donations. Just so there's no confusion, we don't need money! If you want to send us something monetary to quell your desire to reach into your wallet, send us iTunes Gift Cards. Otherwise, cards are just fine...really.
5 comments:
Oh crap, I guess I will have to stop that check. Sorry to hear that Dr. Numnuts (excuse the pun) was in charge of drilling to the core. Write his/her name down on a piece of paper and tuck it away. I am sure that there will probably be others to add. Then when you are ready to walk out of there with your certification of cure, look those suckers up! You know how much you like Karma ;)
ReplyDelete
Ok, now I can stop wondering how a bone marrow test is done. And I'm with Donna on the list thing.
ReplyDelete
Aunt SharonAfter reading your Monday's adventure, I am convinced this will be a book. You are a great artist, so you can draw your own illustrations for the book, publish it and make millions. Now you need a catchy title like "Cancer Through the Eyes of Pain Meds." or "There is Humor in Everything, Just Look Very Hard For It"
ReplyDelete
Jonathon, I am sure you will come up with a much better title.
Love, your fairy godmother, oh wait, that is just godmother
Darlene
Sorry you had to go through that pain bro! I'm glad the chemo went well. I found the cord you need and I will get it up to you. Let me know if you need anything else.
ReplyDelete
later taco
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Oh crap, I guess I will have to stop that check. Sorry to hear that Dr. Numnuts (excuse the pun) was in charge of drilling to the core. Write his/her name down on a piece of paper and tuck it away. I am sure that there will probably be others to add. Then when you are ready to walk out of there with your certification of cure, look those suckers up! You know how much you like Karma ;)
ReplyDeleteOk, now I can stop wondering how a bone marrow test is done. And I'm with Donna on the list thing.
ReplyDeleteAunt Sharon
After reading your Monday's adventure, I am convinced this will be a book. You are a great artist, so you can draw your own illustrations for the book, publish it and make millions. Now you need a catchy title like "Cancer Through the Eyes of Pain Meds." or "There is Humor in Everything, Just Look Very Hard For It"
ReplyDeleteJonathon, I am sure you will come up with a much better title.
Love, your fairy godmother, oh wait, that is just godmother
Darlene
Sorry you had to go through that pain bro! I'm glad the chemo went well. I found the cord you need and I will get it up to you. Let me know if you need anything else.
ReplyDeletelater taco
You guys be well.
ReplyDelete